http://best-marriage-tips-marriage-love.blogspot.com/2013/06/healthy-relationships.html
" A healthy relationship is based on equality and respect, not power and control. Think about how you want to be treated and how you treat others." We go back to the golden rule, be to your partner as you would like your partner to be with you.
Here are some little tips:
1. "Honesty and Responsibility: Not making excuses for your actions" Some of which may include:
- "Admitting when you are wrong". Sometimes it's hard to do. But it is also relieving to remember you are only human.
- "Keeping your word" Your partner needs to know he or she can count on you; after all, if there is no trust in a relationship there is nothing.
- "Not canceling plans" Sometimes we plan ahead what we are going to do. It's a total heart brake when one of the parties cancels that special time to go do something else. It also can diminish trust, and feelings like being neglected and even felt let down and ditched can take place.
2. "Open Communication: It is being able to express your own feelings or opinions" As individuals we all have our own opinions about everything. As a couple, we might share some of those opinions, but chances are we also disagree in some things.
- "Knowing it is OK to disagree" It is self explanatory, but always keep in mind that your partner has his or her own brain, comes from a different background, and was raised differently. Also, you and your partner might have different experiences that might change the point of view. Remember that marriage is about two individuals working together in the same direction.
- "Saying what you mean and mean what you say" As we always say, your partner is not a mind reader, neither are you. A little help goes a long way when it comes to express what is happening. Remember that communication is the key to success in marriage (besides love of course).
3. "Appropriate Intimacy: Respect boundaries" I don't need to say much about this, you can refer to our blog called " BEST SEX EVER! RULES FOR SEX"
4. "Physical affection" Physical contact is one of the languages of love. Not everyone likes to be touched and kissed all the time, but it is important that you talk to your partner and find a happy point where you both feel comfortable. Some people do not feel comfortable displaying their love and affection in public, some actually enjoy it.
- "Holding hands"
- "Hugging"
- "Respecting when your partner says no" (Again you can read the blog mentioned above)
- "Paying attention to body language" This one is a very good one and I need to point out to the ladies that man are sometimes a little oblivious about body language. Sometimes it is better to talk it out. Nevertheless, if you try to hold your partners hand and he or she softly tries to let go, it is pretty strong hint there. Now, since we are actually talking about marriages, I hope you feel comfortable enough to talk if something is bothering you.
5. "Fairness and negotiation" Just remember that in order for this principle to work, there has to be communication. Be gentle at all times. When you are going to tell your partner something that is bothering you use the sandwich principle. I will describe this principle later. Some valid points about fairness and negotiation are:
- "Accepting change"
- "Being willing to compromise"
- "Working to find solutions"
- "Agreeing to disagree is OK"
The sandwich principle works like this:
*Say something nice about him or her.
*Be honest but gentle at saying what is bothering you"
*Say something nice again.
Here is a golden piece of advice: DO NOT EVER START A SENTENCE WITH THE WORD YOU.
For example: You make me so mad when you leave your dirty clothes in the floor. I've been cleaning the whole freaking day!
Notice how the above sentence accuses the person; which in response will create defenses instead of an open mind that is ready for communication. Instead start always with the word I and follow with an emotion. For example:
I fell so frustrated and tired when I find your clothes on the floor. Would you please help me with that?
Notice how the sentence has changed from being accusatory to being a mere expression. Nobody can argue with your feelings. In the contrary, they will be open for communication. Also notice how at the end of the sentence you are in fact committing the other person to fix the problem. This model can be used in every case. Remember that if you accuse someone of something, that person will create defenses. After the defense has been placed, communication will be blocked and impossible at that moment, since he or she is not longer listening.
6. "Shared responsibilities: Making decisions together" Like we said before marriage is a partnership. What one does will affect the other. This principle is especially important when kids are around. Remember that your partner is only human, and can do only so much. Same thing for you, I know you are amazing, but you are also human. Go ahead and give each other a loving pat in the back! Great results come from hard work, love, and communication.
7. "Respect":Here they describe some events in which it is important to validate your partner.
- "Pay attention to your partner even when your friends are around."
- "Valuing your partners opinion even if it differs from yours."
- "Listen to what your partner has to say before you formulate what you are going to say."
- "Acknowledgement of what you receive from your partner."
Remember always that your partner has feelings, so be gentle. Insults and harsh words will only lead to a bad self-esteem, fear, and a hurt heart. Again the golden rule: Treat your partner as you would like to be treated yourself.
8. "Trust and Support: Being supportive." Sometimes our partner might come up with a great idea (or at least it is a great idea according to himself or herself). DO NOT EVER put him or her down. You are his or her #1 pal and he or she needs your support. If such idea is absolutely lunatic (aka Peter Griffin from Family Guy and his shannannigans), be honest, but be gentle at doing so. Never say that he or she is not good enough for that, nor use any words that would have the same meaning. Sometimes we just want to share an idea, and all we want is to be heard. So let's LISTEN to what our partner has to say and let's show our love and support. Even with a loving smile, a pat in the back, or a gentle kiss. If we are not there to support him or her, you can bet there is someone out there who is willing to.
People who cheat on their spouse usually don't start doing it for sexual reasons.It is emotional reasons and emotional emptiness the main reason why people cheat. Sometimes those reasons are because he or she might feel:
-Neglected
-Disrespected
-Feels the lack of support from his or her partner.
-Lack of communication
-Ignored
-Sexually frustrated, emotional emptiness in the bedroom
-Lack of commitment
-Lack of interest by partner.
-Feels that he or she is not understood by partner.
By no means we are excusing such behavior. But instead we want to point at those red flags and those behaviors that can be easily fixed.
May your relationship be healthy in every way! This is our goal. Remember that it is never too late to change for the better and to improve yourself and your marriage. Communication is the key!
Here are some little tips:
1. "Honesty and Responsibility: Not making excuses for your actions" Some of which may include:
- "Admitting when you are wrong". Sometimes it's hard to do. But it is also relieving to remember you are only human.
- "Keeping your word" Your partner needs to know he or she can count on you; after all, if there is no trust in a relationship there is nothing.
- "Not canceling plans" Sometimes we plan ahead what we are going to do. It's a total heart brake when one of the parties cancels that special time to go do something else. It also can diminish trust, and feelings like being neglected and even felt let down and ditched can take place.
2. "Open Communication: It is being able to express your own feelings or opinions" As individuals we all have our own opinions about everything. As a couple, we might share some of those opinions, but chances are we also disagree in some things.
- "Knowing it is OK to disagree" It is self explanatory, but always keep in mind that your partner has his or her own brain, comes from a different background, and was raised differently. Also, you and your partner might have different experiences that might change the point of view. Remember that marriage is about two individuals working together in the same direction.
- "Saying what you mean and mean what you say" As we always say, your partner is not a mind reader, neither are you. A little help goes a long way when it comes to express what is happening. Remember that communication is the key to success in marriage (besides love of course).
3. "Appropriate Intimacy: Respect boundaries" I don't need to say much about this, you can refer to our blog called " BEST SEX EVER! RULES FOR SEX"
4. "Physical affection" Physical contact is one of the languages of love. Not everyone likes to be touched and kissed all the time, but it is important that you talk to your partner and find a happy point where you both feel comfortable. Some people do not feel comfortable displaying their love and affection in public, some actually enjoy it.
- "Holding hands"
- "Hugging"
- "Respecting when your partner says no" (Again you can read the blog mentioned above)
- "Paying attention to body language" This one is a very good one and I need to point out to the ladies that man are sometimes a little oblivious about body language. Sometimes it is better to talk it out. Nevertheless, if you try to hold your partners hand and he or she softly tries to let go, it is pretty strong hint there. Now, since we are actually talking about marriages, I hope you feel comfortable enough to talk if something is bothering you.
5. "Fairness and negotiation" Just remember that in order for this principle to work, there has to be communication. Be gentle at all times. When you are going to tell your partner something that is bothering you use the sandwich principle. I will describe this principle later. Some valid points about fairness and negotiation are:
- "Accepting change"
- "Being willing to compromise"
- "Working to find solutions"
- "Agreeing to disagree is OK"
The sandwich principle works like this:
*Say something nice about him or her.
*Be honest but gentle at saying what is bothering you"
*Say something nice again.
Here is a golden piece of advice: DO NOT EVER START A SENTENCE WITH THE WORD YOU.
For example: You make me so mad when you leave your dirty clothes in the floor. I've been cleaning the whole freaking day!
Notice how the above sentence accuses the person; which in response will create defenses instead of an open mind that is ready for communication. Instead start always with the word I and follow with an emotion. For example:
I fell so frustrated and tired when I find your clothes on the floor. Would you please help me with that?
Notice how the sentence has changed from being accusatory to being a mere expression. Nobody can argue with your feelings. In the contrary, they will be open for communication. Also notice how at the end of the sentence you are in fact committing the other person to fix the problem. This model can be used in every case. Remember that if you accuse someone of something, that person will create defenses. After the defense has been placed, communication will be blocked and impossible at that moment, since he or she is not longer listening.
6. "Shared responsibilities: Making decisions together" Like we said before marriage is a partnership. What one does will affect the other. This principle is especially important when kids are around. Remember that your partner is only human, and can do only so much. Same thing for you, I know you are amazing, but you are also human. Go ahead and give each other a loving pat in the back! Great results come from hard work, love, and communication.
7. "Respect":Here they describe some events in which it is important to validate your partner.
- "Pay attention to your partner even when your friends are around."
- "Valuing your partners opinion even if it differs from yours."
- "Listen to what your partner has to say before you formulate what you are going to say."
- "Acknowledgement of what you receive from your partner."
Remember always that your partner has feelings, so be gentle. Insults and harsh words will only lead to a bad self-esteem, fear, and a hurt heart. Again the golden rule: Treat your partner as you would like to be treated yourself.
8. "Trust and Support: Being supportive." Sometimes our partner might come up with a great idea (or at least it is a great idea according to himself or herself). DO NOT EVER put him or her down. You are his or her #1 pal and he or she needs your support. If such idea is absolutely lunatic (aka Peter Griffin from Family Guy and his shannannigans), be honest, but be gentle at doing so. Never say that he or she is not good enough for that, nor use any words that would have the same meaning. Sometimes we just want to share an idea, and all we want is to be heard. So let's LISTEN to what our partner has to say and let's show our love and support. Even with a loving smile, a pat in the back, or a gentle kiss. If we are not there to support him or her, you can bet there is someone out there who is willing to.
People who cheat on their spouse usually don't start doing it for sexual reasons.It is emotional reasons and emotional emptiness the main reason why people cheat. Sometimes those reasons are because he or she might feel:
-Neglected
-Disrespected
-Feels the lack of support from his or her partner.
-Lack of communication
-Ignored
-Sexually frustrated, emotional emptiness in the bedroom
-Lack of commitment
-Lack of interest by partner.
-Feels that he or she is not understood by partner.
By no means we are excusing such behavior. But instead we want to point at those red flags and those behaviors that can be easily fixed.
May your relationship be healthy in every way! This is our goal. Remember that it is never too late to change for the better and to improve yourself and your marriage. Communication is the key!
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