Is it cheating?

Original Posting:

http://best-marriage-tips-sex.blogspot.com/2013/06/is-it-cheating_22.html

Does it count as cheating? 
Now a day with all the technology and the many sources for socializing   some rules can become a little confusing. Sex and sexuality have changed. We've all heard about having a sexual encounter, but now you can actually have it through many other ways, other than being in person that is. I've heard some of those as: phone sex  (sex over the phone, both partners get engaged in sexual conversation on the other end of the line), sexting (sex over text messages which may include private pictures of each other), Web-cam sex (both partners are broadcasted in live-time and perform sexual acts in the webcam). The old days of getting to know people in order to star a relationship have change as well. According the site Match.com 1 in 5 people start a relationship over the internet.

I can not leave this subject without warning you about nude or sexual pictures running around in cell phones and internet. First, most pictures might end up in the internet or in every phone there is, so be careful if you take some private pictures of this kind. It is counted as pornography. If you take some pictures between the two of you, make sure they don't get posted. Teenagers have been known for taking nude or sexual pictures and sending them to their boyfriends/girlfriends who take care of sharing them with everybody, they are counted as child pornography and it is actually a crime to have them, reproduce them, or forward them. Be careful.


What is confusing about this? Well, not everyone that say they are single is true. A senator who got caught having affairs over the internet used the defense "but we never even met in person." So, is it cheating? Is having fun in chat rooms and matching sites cheating? What if you don't actually do anything with this other person? Is flirting with somebody else cheating? What is actually considered cheating?

Platonic relationships are those that involve love, but are mostly not sexual nor physical. The platonic relationships I am talking about feed in daydreams and "what would be like." Our brain allows us to be anywhere and anyway we want thanks to our imagination. Flirting with other people while in an exclusive relationship is like playing with fire, most likely you will end up getting burned. It is really easy to flirt, especially over the internet. In our mind we are justified to flirt around and have sex conversations and even some form of sex because we are not physically with another person.

Recently a man came to us, (mostly by force) with his wife, because she was fed up with his behavior. When we started talking about what they would like to change in order to improve their marriage, a frustrated wife said "I am sick of my husband checking out other women when we go out!" Her husband replied, "I am married to you! I only like to appreciate the beauty in women."  This is a very common situation. After talking about the reasons why he likes to check out other women he said, "Life is like a restaurant, only because you are already eating does not mean that you can't check out the menu."

Let's review... when you are eating at a restaurant and you see the menu something might catch your eye, you might end up imaging in you head how good that dish must taste. If you have an open opportunity you might end find yourself ordering that item in the menu.  Marriage and life are indeed very alike compared to this "restaurant" example. "She was hot, and I just wondered what color her panties were" (Will Farrell, Old School, the movie). So many times I've heard people both male and female saying "I just undress him/her in my mind and he/she is FINE!"

Having all these different examples do not mean that an emotional or physical affair is unstoppable and deemed to happen. Quite the opposite. Most affairs start in our head. Our brain can and will find justification for us to go forth with the affair. "Nobody will find out" "As long as I am not hurting anyone it's okay" Have you heard those? I have, many times. The question that you have to ask yourself is: Is it worth it to risk what I have?

Then, how do I know if I am cheating? Ask your self:
- Would I feel okay doing this in front of my spouse/partner?
- Would my spouse/partner get hurt if he or she found out?
- Is it worth risking the relationship I have?


Only you will know the answers to those questions. Remember that your spouse/partner is a precious gift. Isn't it amazing when you love somebody and that special someone loves you right back?  Enjoy your marriage and think about if there is something that needs to change in order to improve your marriage. Flirt with your spouse/partner like there is no tomorrow. Make love like today is the best day to be alive, because it is!